Saturday, May 30, 2020

J.P.B.

I have looked under rocks
and in all of the wrong places
what I once had with you, now six years spent
gone in the night, maybe never to come back
have I used it all up?
will it ever come again?
this mystery of deep love
which eludes my heart

I hear it in the mourning
of the nightingale's song
I feel it in the evenings
when sitting alone
at night it is closest
your side is cold

what I once had with you
sixteen years past
like you it is gone
maybe never to come back
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Friday, May 29, 2020

senses

late at night I can touch it
how real it does all seem
there you are beside me
an apparition in my dreams

in fantasy I can taste it
savoring the ambrosia taste
a flavor I got used to
from our much earlier days

on clothing, I still smell you
your shirt that I sleep in
an aroma that was Heaven
a musk from your tan skin

on my MP3 I hear you
the love songs, lyric complete
in every single lyric and line
you are here with me

in daylight I can't see it
not hear, touch, taste or smell
with the dawn it's all erased
dreams the only place it dwells
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sing it again

write me a song
to which I can dance
sing it from your heart
with love and romance
sing it just for me
and when the last chord ends
start from the beginning
and sing it to me again
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Thursday, May 28, 2020

realizing it all

do you forget your dreams
settling for what is near
tiring  of  the chase
and feelings of despair
never knowing how close
you are to getting it all
you keep giving up before reading
the fine print on the wall
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kindred

there is not a space for me to breathe
nothing to hope for, a tomorrow to believe
the one's I've met are looking to deceive
one night of passion before they leave
a kindred spirit is what I need
a soul mate who is more like me
with love and truth who won't mislead
the things I feel at night when I dream
then I can detach this heart from my sleeve
for now it just continues to bleed
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how do I know

how do I know what's out there
if I settle for what is here
how can I find all I'm looking for
unless I leave the door ajar
will I know it when I see it
will I feel it and believe it
I can't just sit back, kick back
and let it find me
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Tuesday, May 26, 2020

if you believe

if you believe in miracles
dreams that can come true
if you believe in Heaven
I'm waiting here for you

if you believe in wonder
spring that brings monsoons
if you believe angels protect and watch
I'm waiting here for you

if you believe in love songs
dancing a long, slow waltz
if you believe what is in my heart
I'm waiting here for you
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this is

this is my beginning
this is where I start
this is how I answer the questions
this is what I say to my heart

this is the way I say I love you
this is not like the last time
this is another chance at romance
this is me crossing the dotted line

this is the sound of my heart loving
this is the song that I sing
this is the way I want to know you
this is what tomorrow brings

this is the path that leads to forgiveness
this is the trail that leads to you
this is my way of finding my way
this is the splintered door I walk through
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you were to me

a beautiful poem
one with many loving lines
I was your haiku
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Monday, May 25, 2020

wrath

I was never one to curb my anger
when my heart gets close to danger
tongue lashings come as I let 'er rip
if it's in there, out it spits

lightning flashes from deep green eyes
thunder crashes once incised
the wrath of this consuming storm
not forecast in weather reports

after it has blown on through
once again, my sky turns blue
pushing away the clouds of gray
forgiveness always after the fray
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cocoon

my heart has transformed
shedding its silky cocoon
metamorphosis
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12-steps

it is not getting any easier
I'm missing about 10 of 12-steps
listening to Alan singing my blues
hasn't made it any better yet

every time I read a chapter
thinking I've got it all figured out
there is another twist or turn
one self-help doesn't write about

so while I'm penning these daydreams
and silence grows by the hour
I guess you've got your point across
I need to grow a little willpower
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Saturday, May 23, 2020

Bill is wrong (After All You’ve Done For Me Bill Mallonee)

it is not in the ruins
where you move without a sound
what Bill sang is wrong
it is all recalled, noisily...
in the pounding of my heart
in my mind that hears you
in my dreams where you still sing
in my fantasy where you shout it aloud
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Friday, May 22, 2020

ponder

the sand and sea
stretch in front of me
the dolphins play
birds soar away
under a sky of blue
relaxing to do

I sit and reflect
on many aspects
heavy thoughts that weigh
I will cast them away
on tides and waves
to ponder another day
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Thursday, May 21, 2020

untitled

thoughts pounding
echoing loudly inside my brain
feelings hammering
clamoring tinges of this pain
a facade that slips
its anchoring clips
strength that's feigned
a tin heart, that's dangling from
a braided chain
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love song

your fingers softly
strumming the strings of my heart
a love song I know

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

say it all

hurt me, wound me, say it all
the things that you don't feel
draw the line, it will be fine
the truth is what is real

suspicion, apprehension, fear of unknown
is worse than what's not there
I'd rather not get by
on reality not lies
so it can all start to heal

just say it won't be so
you've no love to show
and I'll take it on the chin
and go

you have nothing to lose
speak your heart's truth
just say it won't be so
no roots for this to grow

and I will take it on the chin
and go
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rat race

It is with sadness that I leave this place
drive across the border to the rat race
spirits starts a slow decline
planning for my next time
when once again I fall prisoner to
this place where I escape the blues
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Tuesday, May 19, 2020

intuder

the door not locked
or even barred
light slips through
what is left ajar
an intruder knocks
seeing it not blocked
and steals my heart away
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glimmer

it grew...
benign, behind a shrouded wall
waiting for a chance to come forth
creeping, seeping, weeping it oozes
there's no stopping it now

it flows from lips, parted to kiss
eyes, half closed in slumber
it takes over my dreams
until it seems...
a malignancy
without glimmer of hope
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Saturday, May 16, 2020

remorse

the cavalier way
that you have treated my heart
has ceased its beating
as it floats away
without a lifeline to rescue
drowned by loves remorse
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nights of wonder

sleepless nights, reckless days
moving swiftly through this faze
not slowing down, shooting from the hip
black and blue cause it kicks a bit

one step forward and two steps back
praying for guidance when I'm off track
it seems no matter what I do
all paths lead me back to you

fighting the urge to buckle under
when dreams return from nights of wonder
always with the light of day
the reasoning behind why I pulled away
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Friday, May 15, 2020

in your own way

in your own way, you loved me
a small piece, but a piece just the same
it just wasn't enough for me

in your own way, you loved me
the line I drew too straight
too crimson, too deep

in your own way, you loved me
the silence, too much to bear
too much time for me to reflect
enough time for me to break free
did I?...it is still too soon to know

in your own way, you loved me
perspective comes and it gets easier
I can separate fact from fiction
it still hurts, it will heal

in your own way, you loved me
I will think of you when listening
to Dylanesque music
a wonderful gift you left me

in your own way, you loved me
the crescent moon will always be yours
when I see it...I will feel you

in your own way, you loved me
a small piece, but a piece just the same
it just wasn't enough for me
I wanted you to love me my way
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perfect circle

a triangle with one too many points
with a compass, I draw for you a perfect circle
the arcs were always connected
between two, without me
blind, I refused to see

no longer do I try
to insinuate myself into your heart or
my love into your circle
it was my imagination...
that this verde valley interfered with
your love for the mountains North

what starts without anything
ends with nothing
what starts without feeling
ends my belief
what starts without fire
ends less desirable

more so, when you name your price
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Thursday, May 14, 2020

pensive silence

a pensive silence stretches across
unspoken words speak volumes
no regrets from this heart that speaks
or this love burning inside of me

see it pour like a monsoon rain
and you without an umbrella
the easy part was telling you
hard is what you don't do about it
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Wednesday, May 13, 2020

for you

cactus flowers, fragrant and sweet
a little creek, on the ranch of your dreams
many blue skies, a porch with a swing
I wish for you, all of these things

a beautiful sunset at the end of the day
a shining moon to light your way
someone you love to hold you close
a kiss good night from the one you love most

faith of knowing deep in your heart
that heaven holds more than just some stars
a guardian angel, a part in your prayers
no matter where you go, that you safely get there

I wish for you all of these things
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a memory

ride down to me
down from the mountains
rest your head

sleep beside
my burning fire
rescue me

with the light of dawn
you will be gone
a memory
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Monday, May 11, 2020

no mercy

I can feel it coming
a change is in the air
it is not from fall to winter
I feel that lingers there

too far off to feel the touch
the hands you feel not mine
buried with the memories
another place in time

clock ticks away the hours
as your kiss touches her skin
the unrelenting passion
that place where I have been

as I search for mercy
many miles before I dream
awake in the middle of night
cause the mercy escapes me

my heart is searching for mercy
even that won't set me free
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it spills

liquid love from shattered glass
leaving a stain on the counter
seeping into nowhere
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Saturday, May 9, 2020

ideas

they want their words
coming forth from you
don't think that
watch what you do
others aren't smart
they act differently
use kid gloves
cerebrate intently

did you investigate
those things you print
did you google a source
I bet you didn't
it spreads like fire
whether truth or not
others will remember
those thoughts you brought

just stay simple
don't think too deep
keep to yourself
don't let thoughts seep
be true to yourself
but don't start a theme
of words that aren't yours
and aren't what they seem
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my heart

Laura does my hair
Ahn does my legs
Tony does my nails
You do my heart
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continued

you kiss me goodbye
only for a little while
to be continued
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Thursday, May 7, 2020

status quo

people talking in rhymes
'stead of saying what they feel
can't explain it all
you can't get ahead

people moving one way
'stead of on a direct path
walking in circles
you can't get ahead

people not asking why
'stead of question that are real
windmills turning round
you can't get ahead

people accepting status quo
'stead of fighting for beliefs
it never comes back
you can't get ahead
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holding on

I'm holding on to
the way you make me feel
your breath on my neck
whispers in my ear
pulling back my hair
and your tight embrace

I'm holding on to
a message on my phone
"can't wait to get you alone"
photos in my mind
it happens every time
we're together

I'm holding on to
a week that'll soon be through
then it's time for me and you
put the work away
time for us to play
I'm holding on to you
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Wednesday, May 6, 2020

color

your eyes the color of the sky
your spirit the soft pastels
your soul made up of warmer hues
shading in tans and orange
the color that I like the best?
the color of your heart
every beautiful hue there is
that makes up the color of love
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circling around

first you’re up
and then you’re down
going in circles
smiles and frowns

you move to the left
when you should’ve right
take a wrong turn
no clear signs

mind is spinning
too many thoughts
no matter what
you can’t turn it off

close your eyes
but you can’t sleep
relief doesn’t come
from all this grief

one step forward
two steps back
too many bends
erased tracks

wheels keep turning
circling around
can’t see the sun
with all these clouds

the tunnel is dark
and very deep
falling fast
with no reprieve
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Monday, May 4, 2020

in the gloaming

it is not in the gloaming, that I miss you most
but in the early morning hours
when the moon starts to fade
red reaching across the desert sky
once familiar smells wake me
and I pour a cup and reflect
watching today dawn from my patio
in a sweatshirt to prevent early morning chill
yesterday lays in silent storage
a cache that fills
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a way to get here

today is an endless highway
tonight is a crooked trail
tomorrow is a long time away
yesterday is a way to get here

when I look at my reflection
I see where I have been
I hear whispers of a lifetime
and songs with sweet refrains

today is almost over
tonight creeps in with dreams
tomorrow is almost upon me
yesterday is how I got here
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Sunday, May 3, 2020

inside and out

touch more than my hand
more than lips, more than skin
more than passion and deeper in
touch my spirit, my heart and soul
touch every part, inside and out

feel more than the heat
more than fervor, more than pleasure
savor the taste, honey on your tongue
sing every lyric, every love song written
dance every step woven tightly together
as you love every part, inside and out
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soar

standing on the edge of forever
anticipating that I will fly
into the clouds, into the sun
before my life is done

not enough feathers, or not enough lift
to carry me on the soft breeze
not like a bird who sings as she soars
I fall like I fell before
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Saturday, May 2, 2020

Destiny

I've walked this path many times
The path has not changed
I have

The path still winds
Still has some bumps
I step more carefully

The path isn't always well lit
Sometimes it is in total darkness
I take with me a light

The path is sometimes stormy
With thunder and rain
I carry an umbrella

The path is still long
And leads me to my destiny
I follow willingly
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Crescendo

In this quiet, before light dawns
Laying here, suppressing yawns
Your leg across me, a gentle weight
Loving, peaceful, tender place

My head on your chest, I feel your heart
Beating, pounding, a rhythmic part
Arms are wrapped around me tight
No place better on this cool night

Kisses gentle, all over me
Building to an urgency
Returning each that is bestowed
Our bodies traveling a road we know

And when the crescendo is complete
We lie here spent, the climax reached
Your leg across me, a gentle weight
Loving, peaceful, tender place
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Friday, May 1, 2020

thank you

never in my wildest dreams
did I think there'd come a day
when I would have the happiness
after all the nights I prayed
I think I was patient
I tried to bide my time
waiting, always waiting
for someone to be mine
and then one day it happened
the day that you strolled in
and all that I had waited for
was ready to begin
thank you to the heavens
for answering my prayers
giving all I longed for
that wasn't always there
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pretend

let's drive out in the desert
it's such a beautiful night
open up the moon-roof
and bathe in lunar light

a million stars are overhead
let's pop in a slow cd
talk about some silly things
while you hold hands with me

let's pretend that we are teens
kiss and touch and love
try not to get caught
by a roving patrol car

let's recreate some magic
it's such a beautiful night
let's drive out in the desert
let our fantasies run wild
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the desert sky at night

millions of bright stars
the light of the full moon glows
a gentle breeze blows
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