Wednesday, July 31, 2019

I Am Here

When you are feeling lost
Don’t know which way to turn
I am here

When you are frustrated
And need a sounding board
I am here

When you just need someone to turn to
To listen without judging
I am here

When you need to unwind
After another long day
I am here

When you need soothing
A gentle touch
I am here

When you are cold to the bone
And need warmth
I am here

When you want arms to hold you
A shoulder on which to lay your head
I am here

When you want to be loved
Completely
I am here
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sleepwalking

I’m testing the waters
that are very deep
are you letting me drown
or teaching me to swim?

you draw me in
like a moth to flame
so close to the heat
that could be my end

and yet I’m still here
with the questions that remain
my hallucinating mind
where all is crystal clear

if I open my eyes
will it all be reality
will you disappear
like smoke into the clouds?

I’m afraid to know the truth
but the vagueness is far worse
sleepwalking in this love affair
what happens when I wake
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Tuesday, July 30, 2019

before your eyes

you withdraw more
than you put in
overdrawn now
yet once again
checks and balance
just won't solve
red lines, black numbers
slowly dissolve

the statement here
before your eyes
columns long
materialize
many equations
that don't add up
to what you pour
into your cup

shake your head
and start again
adding now
with paper and pen
that's when you finally
realize
the truth that's here
before your eyes
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Symmetry

The words you have given me
worth more than flowers
Flowers wilt and die
words are permanently etched

Engraved in my memory forever
The way they were expressed
The sound of your voice or written by hand
Touching me deep in my soul

Like prose or lyrics
The symmetry and balance of your words
Touch in ways hands can’t
Wouldn’t know how
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Happy Ending

Write me a happy ending
Add balance to this life
Someone to come home to
My life could use more spice

Write me a happy ending
At the end of a long day
A glass of wine and loving
Things your eyes conveyed

Write me a happy ending
With passion, desire and trust
Take me to nirvana
I miss it very much

Write me a happy ending
Let’s build a life to share
Massage my mind and body
Show how much you care

Write me a happy ending
The rest is pretty balanced
Share the things I offer
A life of luminance

Write me a happy ending
A happily ever after
It’s the one thing that I’m missing
I need this one last chapter
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Sunday, July 28, 2019

Indecision

Trapped here in a nightmare
On a one way street
Alone, afraid and anxious
Nothing here concrete

No way out of this here maze
All paths lead the same way
Each one worse than the one before
Much to my dismay

Hopeless indecision
Which road do I take
Afraid to proceed forward
Afraid of a mistake

Show me the way onward
The safe and truer course
Guide me through the challenges
The one with no remorse

No answers are forthcoming
Nothing to keep me safe
Relying on my knowledge
To lead me from this place

Following my instincts
The ones that are instilled
To find my true direction
And a better future build

Protect and lead me safely
To God above I pray
Help me find the path I seek
Do not lead me astray

A feeling of security
My sentinel is here
A light in the cold darkness
Salvation now is near

Thanks for the help given
Illumination clear
A guardian to save me
Refuge now is here
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Words Spoken

He said “I’ll see you tomorrow”
She responds “yes, you will”
He smiles at her back as she walks away
She hums to herself as she leaves

But tomorrow is an uncertainty
Seconds that turn to minutes
Minutes of wasted time
Hours that once gone can never be retrieved

He calls her just as she is getting into her car
“I forgot to tell you I love you” he says
“I love you too” she replies
“I want you to take that with you” he responds

She takes the words spoken
Puts them in her heart
And turns the key
Locking them inside forever
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Saturday, July 27, 2019

My Heart Cries

My heart cries
The chance ripped from me
The rug pulled from my feet

My heart cries
From the things that you said
When you left me

My heart cries
For the touch
I no longer feel

My heart cries
My mind in turmoil
Because you left

My heart cries
My hopes dashed
Spirit broken

My heart cries
The candle snuffed
Prayers unanswered

My heart cries
The sun falls from my sky at day
Stars blotted with clouds at night

My heart cries
For what will never be
For what can never happen
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Light My Way

With darkness all around me
I try to find a way out
To no avail

Trapped inside this longing
Like a small animal in a cage
Hoping for rescue

Lost in the darkness
Yearning for answers
None come forth

My heart bleeds
My soul is torn
My spirit broken and raw

Come and find me
Save me from this pain
Light my way
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Friday, July 26, 2019

black and white

a dream I wake tasting
thoughts lingering
when the sun rises

realistic images
graphic details
virtual love

subconscious
playing tricks on a
vulnerable heart

the dream black and white
technicolor fading
long ago
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miles

a distance that grows
dreams drifting further away
distance not in miles
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Thursday, July 25, 2019

canvass

paint on this canvass
in the pale lunar glow
let me feel what you feel
in soft, tender strokes

paint on this canvass
paint with your heart
a masterpiece of love
a true work of art

paint on this canvass
with each touch of your hand
learning the nuance
each brush-stoke commands

paint on this canvass
paint with your heart
each color has meaning
each stroke a new start
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I'll find my way

this road winds around
and it is long
unpaved, unmarked
with twists and turns
over burned out bridges
dust settling on my path
but I'll find my way
it will take some time
I'll find my way
without any maps
I'll find my way
I have to do it by myself
I'll find my way back
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Wednesday, July 24, 2019

just get it right

just let it happen
just let yourself go
just see what's next
just see if it grows

don’t stop the feeling
don’t close your heart
don’t close your mind
don’t stop a fresh start

if the feelings are there
if the timing is right
if you want it to be
if you just get it right

don’t turn away
don’t think of the past
don’t close the door
don’t think it can't last
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just about now

just about now
you wonder where it went
what could have lasted longer
a shell casing that's been spent

just about now
you start to sort it out
the fault was not with you
self- importance hasn't doubt

just about now
you have no regret
as you move forward
one less fret
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Tuesday, July 23, 2019

veneer

my facade has cracks
you chipping the smooth veneer
that one time protects
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do you

do you have regrets
unsaid things that you forget
chapters of love unread
poetry in your head

do you close your eyes
remembering my sighs
thinking back on a first kiss
a love that you still miss

do you sleep alright
alone in bed at night
all that we once shared
evaporated in thin air

do you long for yesterday
a lover held at bay
the embers now grey ash
when your heart looks back
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sudden clarity

as the thunder cracks
limbs snapped from trees
lightning strikes my world
illuminating clarity

it all boils to the top
my subconscious spilling doubts
everything that's been hidden
now turning inside out

it rages on internally
tumultuous rain pours down
soaking but not cleansing
as I silently drowned
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Monday, July 22, 2019

Innocent Age

Just a kid playing on the beach
Days were long, a lifetime ahead
Played until the sun would set
Building endless castles of sand

Time speeds by, those days are gone
One day you’re a kid, the next day grown
Building castles of a different kind
Some are tangible, some in my mind

Wish I had bottled that age gone by
When life was easy with less concerns
The older I get the more I yearn
For uncomplicated times of days long past

We can’t go back, the memories fade
Buried and replaced by an older age
Careers, a mortgage, too many bills
Braces, little league and endless lists

We can't recapture the way it felt
That euphoric short lived time of youth
Try as we might, it just can't be
The bottle breaks and time escapes

And as my kids play on the beach
I remember me at this innocent age
A glimpse of the way life used to be
Of what makes me who I am today
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do you ever get tired?

do you ever get tired?
tired of solving all the problems
tired of having all the answers

do you ever get tired?
tired of the mind games
tired of the puzzles

do you ever get tired?
tired of the same old thing
tired of the redundancy

do you ever get tired?
tired of thinking out of the box
tired of thinking big picture

do you ever get tired?
tired of listening
tired of tuning in

do you ever get tired?
tired of the complexities
tired of the weight

do you ever get tired?
tired of doing it alone
tired of no safety net

do you ever get tired?
tired of the shifting rules
tired of the shifting sands

do you ever get tired?
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Saturday, July 20, 2019

very good start

I'm not jumping in
I'm taking it slow
gonna savor it all
with the afterglow

peel back my layers
discover what's inside
a blossom that opens
with nothing denied

locking you in
a special place in my heart
what you've uncovered
is a very good start
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seas of green

between murky dreams
and seas of moss green
my life spins fast
without moonbeams
sands of red from the
hopes that have bled
into the ocean
drowning instead
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enough

it's enough for now
you give what you can
it's enough for now
there's no master plan
I'll take what you give
give back what I can
it's enough for now
it's enough for now
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Friday, July 19, 2019

framed

I object your honor
please let me state my case
all of this you're ruling on
is not how it's portrayed

before you deem me guilty
you, and a jury of my peers
let me bring further evidence
of how I landed here

what? too late you tell me?
you can't see that I was framed?
my heart gets sent to prison
and I take all of the blame
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affairs of the heart

build it tall
watch me fall
indifference met
a shadowed wall

love that sings
from deep heartstrings
a single note
a deafening ring

affairs of the heart
painted, abstract art
a disappearing act
as it departs
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Wednesday, July 17, 2019

run

what doesn't destroy me, better run
head for the hills, hide and stay
I am stronger than you might think
one way or another you will pay

don't crush my spirit, dampen my soul
don't toy with danger or you will know
not to be trifled with, not to be used
if you think that you better go

turn about is still fair game
karma's a bitch and comes around
heed this warning, remember now
I'll get you after I calm down
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Strange Haiku

I do find it strange
The way things start; ramble on
And abruptly end
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Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Untitled

I look at this blank page,
untitled and clean.
My life was the same,
did I escape unseen?

I have seen sorrow and
I have felt pain.
I have felt much and loved more,
and knowledge I've gained.

My life sometimes sunshine
and sometimes full of gray.
Yet always, always choosing
to go on another day.

Life is for living,
a page not left blank.
Strength and will to go on,
the good Lord to thank.

Am I resilient,
or stronger than most?
Dead set on survival and
sometimes on "coast".

The "coast" is what saved me
when times got too hard.
When my life was in shambles
and laying in chars.

Now the future is clearer,
all my thanks to you.
Untitled no more,
starting once more, anew.

Borders

The borders now are blurry
The difference between right and wrong
Not as easy as it once was
Maybe I’m not as strong

Looking for some guidance
For the things I need to do
Praying for the answers
To play these problems through

Looking at solutions
From the way the past played out
How did I recover
And overcome the doubts

Hindsight 20/20
Future not as clear
Laying down the groundwork
To this I must adhere

Holding fast to my beliefs
The things that have proved true
Avoiding risk of failure
By sticking to the rules

Where is my guardian angel
When I need her most
I feel that I am on my own
Challenged by old ghosts

Combating the same old demons
Slowly I go forth
Resurrecting spirit
Protect me on my course
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Discord

You always left me needing more
Disappointments by the score
Not the girl you wanted me to be
And I guess you weren’t the one for me

Another night of much discord
You walk out and slam the door
Don’t know how it came to this
What happened to the days of bliss

On the couch I sit and cry
While you're  out and on your drive
Mp3 is playing the blues
All the songs are me and you

There is no fix, there’s no way back
The marriage over, way off track
You know it and so do I
I guess it’s time to say goodbye
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Monday, July 15, 2019

pull me closer

pull me closer, hold on real tight
don't let me disappear into the cold night
if I start to pull away, pull me closer

when I'm on the edge, pull me back
when I've lost my way, gone off track
when it all seems hopeless, all seems black
if I start to pull away, pull me closer

draw the line, make it straight
keep me from making a big mistake
shine your light, show my fate
if I start to pull away, pull me closer
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shadows

the ceiling fan sweeps shadows
on all that used to be
I didn't loose any pieces
on what was left for me
tossing and turning; feigning sleep
but mostly, it won't come
it's not that I  am out of touch
but that I know too much

placid pictures, black and white
hanging on a wall
fading in the sunlight
now wading into fall
redemption rests on fluffy clouds
before the monsoon comes
and thunder sounds so loudly
inside a mind left numb
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Thursday, July 11, 2019

dormant

feelings come and feelings go
always leaving a mark
if only we could choose the ones
that stay locked in our hearts

I pushed it deep inside myself
but it still swims to the top
oozing like an open wound
and nothing makes it stop

I've turned my back and walked away
I've tried to tune it out
it spins me around and I always return
looking through all of the doubts

leave me, love me, stay or go
the choice is up to you
it seems my will has disappeared
cause you keep slipping through
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enough

in a dark place
a light finally shines
and the peace it brings
revitalizes

like a full moon
on a dark night
like a monsoon rain
or a sweet refrain

it is enough
it is finally enough
what you give me to keep
is enough for me
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Wednesday, July 10, 2019

we two

I hear your heart from the inside
wanting and loving me
I know what it sounds like
feels like
how it tastes

my heart vocalizes
the exact rhythm
audio music
to our ears
that only we two hear
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keeper

you're my shelter from the things that harm
a cool breeze when the days are warm
a blanket on a real cold day
a knight who all my demons slayed

a comic when I'm feeling sad
serious, if something's really bad
when I get scared, you hold my hand
you always seem to understand

a spouse who loves through thick and thin
showing affection again and again
9 years together, 6 years wed
I am a keeper is what you said
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forever

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sounds like a long time
but for all this love I feel
it is way too short
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Tuesday, July 9, 2019

smiling tears

love waits quietly, watching from the wings
unexpectedly, pulling some strings
arranging it all or so it seems
I have experienced stranger things

tongue tied words, broken hearts
wanting it all after many false starts
boxed up resentment, not always smart
the things we do before we depart

I love you falls on starving ears
still we love, after all bad years
fasting long, feeding fears
happiness comes through smiling tears
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imaginary love song

I kiss the disappearing image
the apparition that is you
my arms around a shadow
something I can’t hold on to

I hear the imaginary lyrics
the love song that you sang
of promises not tendered
but I heard them just the same

as I write the endless letters
with invisible, hopeless ink
professing one-sided feelings
unstamped empty sheets

the sun peaks through the window
as another nightmare fades
the only evidence remaining
teardrops on a pillowcase
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you promise

you promise love
you promise truth
you promise more
than I’m used to
you promise hope
you promise joy
you promise what
was once destroyed
you promise honor
you promise me
all the things
I’ll ever need
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Monday, July 8, 2019

given and recieved

feelings from down deep
swimming to the surface
like so many fish in a stream

how can I hold back?
not show what there is
not give what I have

my heart unlocked
my spirit revived
my passion set free

a treasure revealed
a gift of love
given and received
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Sunday, July 7, 2019

Mama Bird Haiku Update


Mama built a nest
Papa bird came to visit
wow, how sweet is that?
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foreign stars

will you miss me now?
thoughts of me before you sleep
under foreign stars
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Saturday, July 6, 2019

Innocuous

Caught in the middle
A quagmire, too dense to read
Options not readily available

One road is true, protected, innocuous
The other obscure, ambiguous, a conundrum
Do I take one of these roads, or go back?

I know what is behind, where I’ve been
The easy path, no rough trails back then
The sun was at my back, no forks in the road

I am propelled forward by a force stronger than me
I am not pulled in other direction
The journey is mine, the decision mine

I am stumbling, blindly and apprehensively
This feeling, a new concept that betrays me
And leaves me dismayed and demoralized

I know I can’t stay here, in the middle
There is nothing here, nothing behind, only forward
There will be no going back and I will not cower here

So I continue, headlong into what?
Either into harmony, peace, repose
Or into dissension, disappointment, disbelief
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what we have


you make it so easy
every little thing you do
falling hard was simple
when I fell in love with you
you'd say it was nothing
from the path you didn't sway
I'd say it was more than that
that brought us all this way

rough around your edges
unlucky in love you said
that's not how I saw you
there's no rocky roads ahead
no, you made it easy
He put you in my path
nothing left behind us
is worth more than what we have
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Friday, July 5, 2019

Auto Pilot

Flying on auto pilot
Solo for too long
No need for a co-pilot
My navigation’s strong

Reaching for new altitudes
How high can I go
I have no fear of flying
I just use what I know

But now I’m hitting turbulence
My skills are being tested
Even an ace pilot
Can sometimes be bested

Tighten the shoulder harness
Flip the little switch
I’m off of auto pilot
And leveling off the pitch

The craft is really shaking
Control is very tough
Using my experience
I hope it is enough

And now I see the airport
The landing strip in sight
The turbulence is over
At least for this one flight

dial my number

you used to call me darlin
you called me sweetheart too
now you never call me
what am I to do

I'm missing your sweet loving
I'm missing your deep voice
I'm missing everything about you
so make my heart rejoice

hey baby dial my number
let me hear your special ring
I know you can't forget me
my love is beckoning
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aftermath

the whisper of your words
as they tangle in my hair
the evening slipping away
the passion resting there

the shadows in the room
hidden in your lover's lair
truth on the tip of a tongue
a heart which won't be spared

the morning dawning red
a caution for the sea
a storm is about to come
while you shake yourself free

and as you lay it down
your eyes looking through me
my love an apparition
something you don't need

go ahead and turn your back
it's what you always do
how many times I've been here
as we tried to work it through

my heart is once more bleeding
another casuality in your path
another walking wounded
in the hazy aftermath

this time no surrender
when I find you at my door
no white flag or welcome back
this time you lost the war
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Thursday, July 4, 2019

love blooms


with tender hands and a green thumb
you plant the many seeds of love
fertilizing the rich, black soil
an act of love at which you toil

putting my heart in indirect sun
watering daily what we've begun
from deep inside it begins to bloom
a fragrant flower with deep, deep roots

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RAJ


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